The After Season

I had a random thought today. There are so many resources to help you through different struggles. Articles about anxiety, depression, mindfulness techniques, breathwork, the list goes on. But there’s not a lot of content out there about the after season. I’m talking about the calm after a long storm, the part of your life after healing.

It’s quite a strange feeling. It’s like living in an open field after my mind was in a cave for decades. So much has changed. The texture of my thoughts. My definitions of success and healing. Everything has changed because I’ve changed. There’s been so much work in getting here, but now that I’m here, it’s like, now what?

When you’re a child, grown-ups teach you that life is divided into very separate, clear stages. Stage 1: childhood and teenage years. Stage 2: work, independence, adulthood. Stage 3: marriage, kids, death. But I think we’ve got it all wrong. Rather than a handful of big changes throughout life, it’s felt like life is made up of so many micro-changes on a daily level. It’s like one long current across the span of an ocean, rather than set blocks in different solid colors.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when you’re set on healing, there can be so much daily change which culminates into a gradual leaving of the past. It’s almost like a mini-death, transition, and rebirth. I think that is where I am now, a rebirth season. My dreams have changed. I don’t think I am ambitious anymore. But the passion is still there. My capacity has expanded. I’ve learned to take a step back and not take every speck of life so seriously.

I’ve viewed anxiety in so many ways to help me cope with it. But now that I’ve migrated out of debilitating anxiety, I’ve come to see anxiety as a small wave. Over your life, you find things that become your surfboard, and you ride out the circumstance and emotion. That’s the other thing, emotion!

I used to focus so much on every single feeling. But it turns out I was focusing to a fault. I’m not saying ignore your feelings. But what I am saying is that in life you must have faith, consistency, and logic that surpasses your feelings. For me that is Jesus. For me that is the way I speak to myself. For me that is the truth that I’ve survived before, I’ll survive again.

I’m not sure if there is a purpose in this blog post at all. To be honest, I’m not sure if there is much value in this blog. But I have found that people connecting to people can be one of the most valuable human experiences. So, if anyone is in this phase of post-healing, know that you’re not alone. It is strange and new, but so much of life is. We can figure it out together.