Am I willing to lose myself for the sake of Christ? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for the past few months. Am I willing to truly die to myself for Jesus? When I’m standing at the very edge of myself, will I jump into the unknown and trust that God has me?
Trust is not easy, at least not for me. I think it’s actually one of the biggest areas I’ve struggled with throughout my faith journey. Because, there is some truth and reliability in the self. I know myself. There are certain things that are certain. I know how I may react or feel about things. I know what I’m good at, what I’m bad at. I know what I want out of life. But God…God is big. There’s no end to knowing, learning, and understanding him. That bigness and grandness can be frightening at times. But do I trust God enough to let go of what I know and step into the unknown?
I know what I want my answer to be. That is the honest truth, as of today. But here’s something else I know to be true – God is a patient God. He’s waited for me through every test and trial over the course of my life. With every failure, there is grace. With every hesitation, there is immense patience and forgiveness. God is not a spiteful God waiting to yell at us when we fail. He is a God that walks with us. Nothing is too little or seemingly insignificant for him. I think that heaven rejoices in even the smallest of victories. God cares.
But faith is hard. Over the past two years it feels like God has been stretching and challenging me to give up dreams, aspects of my personality, all my plans, passions, and gifts. It is incredibly difficult. This process of losing yourself – I don’t think anyone can adequately prepare you for it. But I’m learning that we all must go through this at some point in our walk with God. God requires us to pick up our cross and follow him.
So, what is your cross? Maybe it’s your career, like it was for me. Maybe it’s a delayed timeline, disappointment, serving, healing, forgiving, being misunderstood, or persecuted. Or maybe it’s all of the above. But what I’ve come to know is that in the wrestling, crying, rejoicing, waiting, failing, and victory with God – he loves you through every second of it. He’s not saying, “Hurry up. Go faster. Do better!” He’s cheering you on saying, “I’m so proud of you.”
Another thing I think you can always count on during this great surrender is focusing on Jesus. When we become consumed with thoughts about ourselves, we often lose a sense of God. You have to empty yourself and be refilled with the Holy Spirit. Only in the absence of us do we truly get more of Jesus. And only in the silence can we really hear from him.
Let this be your reminder to go against the grain. Don’t do what the world says. Don’t think of yourself as self-made or self-loved or self-cared for. Look at the love of God. Look into the eyes of Jesus. In return, your view of him and you will be corrected and made whole. It is the harder option. But I believe it is the right one. Stay strong, friends! Trust is moreso an act than a feeling. Choose to trust God in the big and small things. You will make it through.
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